I OWE MY MOTHER A LOT BECAUSE.....

1. She taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning."

2. She taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. She taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4.  She taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why!"

5. She taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. She taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. She taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry a bout."

8. She taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. She taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. Sge taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. She taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. She taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.  Don't exaggerate!"

13. She taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. She taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. She taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. She taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait till your father get's home."

17. She taught me about REWARDS.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. She taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. She taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. She taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. She taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. She taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. She taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. She taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."


25. And my favorite: She taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!" 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 

after years of living with the threat kinda glad i got boys