Do we carry hurts and scars from previous relationships over to knew ones to learn bout ourselves and better ourselves for future relationships to come? or like some hold all to the same bar 'the sins of the previous'? x comments pls

need to think but will get back to you

Forget about those scars Dixie.....Part of life... ..

I had a long 18 year scar just for one good week a month, when she was happy.. ...

Now it's my time to be happy......a new road in life... ..

If I died tomorrow, I will die happy......and not wondering "What If".... ...

Lift your head up, look life in the face and say, "Bring it on".......

Thanks Bernie, thats what i feel, learn from the previous take that over into the next, but never make anyone feel like they have to justify there every word / action because of what some1 else has done.

You can only be urself no1 else xx

I've always believed that we should learn from past experiences, & make use of what we've learned.
Some of our past will leave scars which will always hurt, other memories will always make us smile.
The trick is to avoid dwelling on the hurtful times & move forward, trying to ensure that we don't make the same mistakes more than once in the same lifetime.
Never beat yourself up about it if you've been misled by some-one - even the cleverest of us will be conned at some point.

And, most importantly, have faith that things usually work out for the best in the end (for instance, if a certain young lady hadn't broken my heart I wouldn't have spent the last 18 years with Mrs HC, & very happy years they have been).

Mrs. HC doesnt happen to have a sister thats lookin for a bit of luvin does she?...... ......

Just a nice cuddle every now and then will do me.....

Not into this sex malarky... ..It's not as good as it used to be.....

Well! I don't think so, havnt tried it for a few years so I'm probably, if you'll excuse the pun, a bit ring rusty.....hehehe......

the thing to remember is we all carry our scars i suppose

Yes you may of been hurt and let down at some point in your life, so doesn't it stand to reason this new person in your life has too.


"Love is always creative and fear is always destructive."

 

yes hun, i understand that but i've been thru major stuff but i have learnt from it, if i notice that something seems similar to what an ex has done i say to myself wud what i know of this new person make me think they cud do the same? if i think not i file it away it my head but flagged so that if i see it happen again and i think it may become an issue, then i was say notice u did this this time and that last time did u mean this or that by it, but wud never mention it was sumthin similar to an ex because that wud b hurtful to the new person being tarred with the same brush. This really nice guy doesnt seem to grasp that if i say sumthing he'll go oh u must mean this because thats what my ex did, he actually SAYS it and that hurts cos if he thought about it first he'd go u know she hasnt given me any reason to think shes like that before so shes not like the wicked ex, instead of saying did u mean this or cud explain y u did that instantaniously the ex has been mentioned and i've been put on a parallel hence being held accountable and judged by the sins of the previous x

I thimk when two people get together theres always barriers on both sides......

Everyone has had bad experiences in the past and we gaurd ourselfs from being hurt again...

Its only when two people are comfortable with each other that they can open up more and talk about there past if they wish as they trust and value the opinion of eachother......

So yes...we all carry emotional past baggager...but talking about that with the new partner dosent mean you think there going to treat you the same way....

It means your sharing you emotions to help them understand there barriers...and intern the two people then have a better understanding of eachother........

So to me thats says you are considering entering into a new relationship and you already have issues.

try being open talking about things hun, and don't do it on the defensive.  This person is trying to get to know you and the only way he will if if you are completely honest with him.

Tell him the similarities give him a chance to express why he acts or talks in that way

relationships are built on trust, you have to give a little to earn some yourself

but surely it is better not to nit pik and only mention something when it becomes a real issue?

mmmm depends hun

you don't have to be intense make light of it, then it may never become an issue at all

On the other hand, if this guy is genuine, then mentioning the niggle when it first occurs will give you both the chance to sort it before it becomes a real issue.

Mrs HC & myself were neither of us young when we met, & therefore both had history & baggage from previous events/relationships. Fortunately we were both mature enough to appreciate that problems occur within a relationship, talk through them, & reach a mutually acceptable solution. It worked for us, is all I can tell you.

thank u so much for ur advice, hadnt thought of it that way, guess i wasnt being totally honest if i didnt mention things, he's just such a nice guy and so well suited to me I must be more scared of saying something and him disappearing than i thought, guess thats making my problem his, i just didnt think i really wanted/needed some1 til he came along and became the last missing piece of the jigsaw.

thanks guy, no doubt we'll talk again 

TBH dixle you sound like you're in exactly the same position as Mrs HC & me were when we met - we needed each other, but didn't know it coz we hadn't met (if you see what I mean). Be honest with the bloke - if he's genuine he will cope with whatever you throw at him & come back for more (voice of experience here) - it's not been wine n roses all the way for me & the mrs, but we got through the tricky bits together & ended up stronger every time. If he aint genuine, then stuff him you don't need him